Learning to Trust the Process — In Nursing School and Beyond

(Even when it's a mess)

Hello friends! It’s been a while.

I’m starting this after a brain-frying day of studying electrolyte disorders while my son and his friend play loudly in the next room. In other words, I’m distracted and zapped. But I know if I sit here for a certain amount of time and go through the motions, I’ll end up with something workable. Which pretty much sums up my general approach to life right now.

I’m going into week 12 of nursing school, and it’s been kicking my ass — in a good way! After a few meltdowns, I’ve finally hit my stride. Last month I started clinical rotations, after seven weeks of basic skills/safety training in the school’s simulation lab, and that’s given me new life. I love being at the hospital and interacting with patients, and it’s keeping me inspired through my lecture classes, even when I’m struggling. For example, when I’m studying the nervous system. I dislike the nervous system. It’s interesting in theory, but I find the study of it both stressful and boring. On the other hand, I love fluids and electrolytes, and pharmacology. So random, right?

One of my most important lessons so far is to simply plod through the work even when I don’t feel like it. If I give myself a two-hour block to study, for example, I’ve stopped stressing about whether I’m tired or covering as much ground as I’d planned. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I just need to learn what I can with whatever time I have. After that, fuck it. Like I’m doing right now as I type this. I’m free-associating a bit here, but the only way to keep up with my goal of chronicling this career change is to write, and waiting for a perfect block of uninterrupted time has only kept me from writing.

Discipline is one part of the puzzle, but the other — maybe the harder one — is to stay connected to why I’m doing this. It’s not to achieve a 4.0 GPA. It’s to help people improve their health. I’m grateful my clinicals started when they did, because being in a hospital with real patients has revived my sense of purpose.

So, before I forget in another storm of exams, here’s my messy little gratitude list — five things keeping me grounded and inspired.

Anna’s Top Five Nursing School Inspirations

1. Doctor Dwight! Dr. Mark Dwight, who delivered my son, is the best doctor I’ve ever seen — clinically brilliant and unfailingly kind. He patiently answers every question, no matter how neurotic. He’s never rushed. It’s a cliché, but he makes you feel like his only patient. Sometime after my son was born, I switched insurance plans and had to stop seeing Dr. Dwight for a couple of years. When I finally made my way back to his exam room (thank you, Anthem), he entered with a big “hiiii,” as if greeting a long-lost friend. Then he said, “First things first. How’s your mom?” My mom had been newly diagnosed with ALS the last time I’d seen him. Whether his question came from a note in my chart or his own memory, I don’t know. What I do know is that he’s living proof of how to blend competence and compassion in healthcare. I can’t think of a better role model.

2. Clinical shadowing! One highlight of this semester has been my school’s emergency medicine club. Emergency care is my top interest right now, but I won’t have much exposure during my normal clinicals, so I jumped at an opportunity set up by the club to shadow an ER doctor at a local level I trauma center. The number of medical issues I saw in a single eight-hour shift there was head-spinning, and I couldn’t believe how generous the doctor I followed and his colleagues were about explaining things to me. One of them even whipped out a dry erase marker at one point to give me an impromptu lecture on pulmonary hypertension, using a wall as a chalkboard. It’s so hard to think beyond the required reading and assigned clinical days in nursing school, but I recommend for any student who can find time (a luxury to be sure) to seek out as much exposure as possible to your field of interest. It’ll keep you connected to meaning and accelerate your learning.

3. Podcasts! We live in a wondrous age where you can find experts to talk into your ears about pretty much any topic straight from your phone, and I’ve been exploring the wonderful world of medical and nursing podcasts in recent months. I jump around between a bunch of different ones depending on what subject I’m focused on, but always return to Dr. Matt and Dr. Mike’s Medical Podcast. They’re a couple of anatomy and physiology university professors in Australia, they’re funny, and they’re wonderful at explaining the complexities of the human body. Thank you Dr. Matt and Dr. Mike! This is my way to keep learning even when I can’t face another page of my textbook.

4. Netflix! This one is purely about inspiration, not education enhancement, but I recently started watching a documentary series on Netflix about the trauma teams at a few London hospitals called Critical: Between Life and Death. Oh my god people, it’s so good! I also recommend the Netflix doc series Diagnosis, which follows Dr. Lisa Sanders as she crowdsources diagnoses for mysterious and rare medical conditions for her New York Times Magazine column. Sometimes, on my off time, I want to think about anything but medicine — but these shows revive my awe for it. It’s kind of like how I used to watch All the President’s Men and Spotlight once a year when I was a reporter, just to get jazzed about journalism again.

5. Exercise! Yeah, this one sounds lame, but when you’re in full-time school, sleep deprived and stressing out, it’s easy to let exercise fall by the wayside. However, when I’m on the verge of throwing my computer out the window, a swim, a walk or a short strength video pulls me back from the brink. Keeping my body moving seems to keep my mind moving. Plus, it seems silly to spend all this time and money learning how to care for people’s health but not watch out for my own. Just do it! Even if you don’t feel like it — which brings me back to where I started, always a good place to end.

I’ll talk to you soon, friends! Sooner than this last time, I promise. In the meantime, stay well and stay inspired.